My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
