I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
