Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
