Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
