The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I can text with my tongue
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
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