if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
