I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
