Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
