The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
