It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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