im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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