I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
