I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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