I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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