I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
