WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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