im drinking this country out of the recession.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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