I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
