Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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