she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
