After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
