He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
