Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
