if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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