I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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