It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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