he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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