Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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