1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
