The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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