singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
