I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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