Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
