the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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