Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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