If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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