I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
