so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
