My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
