I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
