there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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