How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
