is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
