whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
