She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
