beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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