So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
