My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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