You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
