I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The ass gains better be worth it
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