I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
