i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm just crazy horny about you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
