Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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