I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
