I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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