Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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