is your mom at the bar?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
