I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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