I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
